Life is Experienced Through a Mental Filter

Everything we experience, see, hear, smell, taste and touch is methodically processed through the filter of what is vulnerable and what is pleasurable. The outcome of the process is normally what determines whether or not you repeat something. For example, whether or not you see that person again, watch a genre of movie or read a specific book again, eat the same food, pick up a jellyfish (ouch), listen to certain music. This is a logical and experiential method, the intention of which is to keep you away from situations that could make you feel vulnerable, or to indicate where you may find pleasure. The methods of the mind continue to be more complex than we think, because they impact our emotions, therefore, the way we experience life.

Keep in mind, the mind is quite dramatic and so vulnerable can realistically mean discomfort in the moment. I have used benign examples here. Although, you can bet that this same methodical process applies to our belief systems, how we have conversations, who we interact with and how we spend our time. The very things that control the way we live our lives.

Thoughts, the Method of the Mind

Most important to acknowledge is that these methods are the way our minds work, the filters that we apply in every day life. This post is in relation to our thoughts and how they impact our reality. What runs through your mind when you realise you have showed up in a way that is out of alignment. Do you feel like you want to cringe away from the truth of the way things have unfolded. There is pain, it feels vulnerable and you feel regret. These thoughts and emotions are your minds method of telling you that you are vulnerable. It is important to have compassion in this time and allow this to be a pivot point for change. This is a moment where you have the opportunity to apply a new mental method.

Guilt and Shame

I would like to share Brené Brown’s work with you, she has researched vulnerability and shame extensively and has produced magnificent, life changing work from the basis of how we interact with both. She speaks of the difference between shame and guilt. Both are natural experiences for us as humans, however one is more detrimental than the other, you can choose which mental filter you apply. The process of which will alter your experience.

“The most important difference to remember between shame and guilt is that the thoughts that accompany shame are focused on the self (“I am bad”), whereas thoughts associated with guilt focus on a specific behavior (“I did something bad.”)”

Brené brown

I would highly recommend Brené Brown’s book Daring Greatly. The book can also be found on the Resources page.

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Michelle – Founder of Unbridled Soul

“The most important difference to remember between shame and guilt is that the thoughts that accompany shame are focused on the self (“I am bad”), whereas thoughts associated with guilt focus on a specific behavior (“I did something bad.”)” Guilt is an emotion that can be easily transmuted when you honour your thoughts and decide that you will not repeat the specific behaviour and follow through with that decision. Shame however, as Brené defines it “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging—something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection” will frame the way we interact with our reality and what we see reflected to us, indefinitely. You attract which ever method you apply.

Daring Greatly

We covered how it feels when an experience is out of alignment. Experiences that invite vulnerability. It is time to explore how it feels when an experience is in alignment and invite pleasure to the table. Please note, it doesn’t always appear the same way and can take you by surprise.

We can be aware of our thoughts and choose the method of a productive, kind and encouraging mentality. Affirmations. “I am capable”, “I am wonderful”, “I am intelligent”, “I am worthy”, “I am loved”, “I am scared, but I am willing”, “I will get up and try again”, “I am enough and there is no one like me.” These thoughts send pleasure signals. When you believe in yourself, the way you show up attracts experiences that bring you delight, joy, progress and growth. The more you practice this method, the easier it is for your mind to default to this way of thinking and you will find what is authentic and true to you as opposed to believing outdated stories you have told yourself for too long.

When I say that pleasure experiences can take you by surprise, I mean that discomfort plays a role, which is something we don’t take into consideration when we are looking for what brings us pleasure. You find pleasure in the balance of vulnerability and bravery, when overcoming challenges. It is then that we experience immense joy, trust and belief in ourselves. It is in facing our adversity and overcoming the thoughts that press fear, shame, worry and anxiety upon us. Pleasure comes from Daring Greatly.

What does it mean to Dare Greatly?

A method I found through Brené Brown and first articulated by Theodore Roosevelt. “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.”

Discomfort is a Pathway to Growth

I believe vulnerability is essential to our growth. I know vulnerability feels uncomfortable. This is where the method of the mind will want to tell you otherwise. Remember the intention is to keep you away from situations that could make you feel vulnerable or to indicate where you may find pleasure. Which means we have an intrinsic resistance to discomfort. It feels unsafe. I wonder however, have you ever grown without discomfort?

Through Theodore Roosevelt’s words, I hear that vulnerability is honourable. Discomfort is not always meant for you to recoil in order for you to stay safe. But for you to reach beyond. To open yourself up. To have courage, and to grow. You do have the choice. To remain in uncertainty, to rinse and repeat the mentality that keeps you in the same routine, the lull of comfort and complacency. Although, unbalanced, it can become a dangerous game, too far removed from the pleasures your heart deeply and intrinsically yearns for.

What does it mean to experience discomfort?

Discomfort can mean many things. Learning a new skill only to excel once the skill is practiced. Hearing someone’s perspective you don’t agree with only for it to open up your own perspective. Trying food that you thought you wouldn’t like only for it to become your favourite dish. Listening to a song from a genre you don’t like, only for it to release deep emotion. Ending a friendship to create space for healthier connections. Changing your career and pursuing your passions. Saying no and honouring yourself. Saying yes and honouring yourself. Big or small, you can choose how you relate to discomfort. I relate to discomfort as a colour of paint in the art of experience.

When you have many methods you can apply, and you know the method you choose determines your reality, which one do you choose? There are constantly parallel versions of reality playing and you get to choose which reality you would like to step into. Your growth is always one step away.

Healing Happens in the Present

How is your relationship with vulnerability and discomfort? What if I told you it didn’t have to feel like a struggle. Struggle according to the Oxford Languages is to “make forceful or violent efforts to get free of restraint or constriction.” If you are fighting all the time you are creating your own chaos. Healing happens in the present. Situations will naturally occur to show you if your reality is in alignment with your authentic self or not. How you choose to respond is indicative of the method you have chosen. It is also the gateway of how you are able to redirect. Viktor E. Frankl stated this succinctly “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

viktor e. frankl

Lean into that space

Lean into that space, where your power resides. The power to choose growth and freedom. I believe this means accepting the moment for what it is. In The Clearest Lens I mention that the perspective and emotion you decide to attach to your experiences is what will change the trajectory of your life. This is a choice. A situation cannot be labelled good or bad. As I mention in The Key to the Paradox of You and The Divine that would be a direct reflection again of the perspective and emotion you have decided to attach to your reality. If you are open to seeing your reality as such, that it just is, and you embrace the power to make the choice on how to respond, then you will find that you are able to surrender to moments of discomfort.

Our thoughts directly impact our emotions. This is also a method of transmutation. You may think a certain thought, that causes distress, pain, discomfort, angst. The choice to challenge this thought is yours. By making this choice you enable the emotion to transform into relief, happiness, joy, determination, self belief. You will no longer need to fight discomfort or vulnerability, because you know those moments are guiding you. To show you where more alignment or attunement is required. Discomfort does not happen to you. It happens for you. Will you be open in the face of discomfort?

We are Human

Mental filters are methods that you can apply. Our default mental filter is to identify vulnerability, discomfort, fear, guilt, shame and in most cases resist it in order to protect ourselves. The default is to lean into what brings us pleasure, life, fertility, abundance, love. I mentioned before that I view discomfort as a colour of paint in the art of experience. What if we only ever painted with one colour? Experienced one mindset, one emotion. What would that life look like?

We are human and to be human is to experience life with ALL of the colourful paints of life, light and dark. Within every human there is a soul, and to embody an Unbridled Soul is to experience as much as you can, see, hear, smell, taste and touch as much as you can. To fill your soul to the absolute brim with the experience that life has to offer you. All you have to do, is choose to accept.

Ask, Comment or Share

I would absolutely love for you to lean into this space. Please ask any questions you might have. Comment if there was something that really caught your attention. You are most welcome if you would like to share.

Share and Journal Prompts

Here are some prompts for your share, or they can be used as journal prompts. In what area of your life do you feel discomfort, vulnerability? What brings you pleasure, joy, fulfillment? Do you look through the filter of guilt or shame? Will you strive to Dare Greatly? Share or write down an experience where you felt discomfort and when you leaned in, it turned into an opportunity for growth? Do you believe you can surrender into discomfort and embrace the space where there is power of choice?