Do you know where your perspective comes from? Through what lens do you view your life?
I am going to oversimplify three lenses that we look through and operate from. This is to get you thinking about where your lenses have come from and if they are in alignment with the outlook you have your heart set on for your reality. I discovered these three lenses from a book written by Heidi Hosking called The Game of Life, How To Play the New Way. Heidi calls these views: “What We’d Like It To Be”, “What Is” and “What Wants To Be”. You can check out Heidi’s articulation of this concept through her magnificent book.
For my blog, I will be extrapolating from this through my own perspective of how these views (I perceive them as lenses) impact our lives and how we show up in our reality based on where our lens is set. I have conceptualised these lenses as a force of demotivation, presence and motivation, you will see how with the below slider and descriptions below.
What We’d Like It To Be
DEMOTIVATING FORCE
Expectations
Where do you believe expectations come from? To be clear expectations are a belief that someone, something or someplace will be a certain way (normally not from a place of knowing but from projection.)
We all have expectations whether intentional or not. I say this because they come from your childhood and the expectations that were placed on you by your parents/guardians. From social circles and societal expectations on a wider scale. They come from life experiences – your subconscious remembers all that you have experienced in the past and your body is programmed to keep you safe, so a situation that appears to be similar to what you have experienced in the past may determine how you react or respond without the awareness of this ever occurring to you. Also without hard evidence that the situation is in fact, the same.
Demotivating Reality
So if we are unaware of our expectations or the impact of those expectations then I believe we start operating in the world of fantasy, of fairytales, an illusory reality that is not your own but will be of your own making if you do not make a change. Living in this fairytale is demotivating and disappointing.
My original question was ‘where do you believe our expectations come from?’. A unique map can be found in our deepest wounds as we are orientated towards healing. To keep ourselves safe, the answers to our wounds are what we are seeking, and therefore projecting if we are not consciously aware of this. We expect others to fill the wound so that it may heal. Would you have guessed this does the opposite?
“Relationships – of all kinds – are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.”
Kaleel Jamison
When we hold on too tight or expect too much, they slip away. That normally reinforces our belief that people, things or places are as we believe them to be. Instead of what they truly are and we forget that we were the ones holding on too tightly.
The Map To Healing
Having wounds is not ‘bad’ news. This is where a lot of our growth stems from. The first clue on the map is to identify what it is that you need in order to heal. For example, I have experienced abandonment and so I had to rebuild trust, stability and having loved ones close to me. The key is not only to identify your needs but then to give them to yourself. That is correct. Not ask or expect this of those around you, as this is a demotivating force. To gift yourself with the love that you did not receive. I am learning rebuild my own trust, to show up for myself, to love myself. That, is the greatest gift you could give to yourself because you will then see it expand into your reality. When it does, it will be real and fulfilling.
What Is
FORCE OF PRESENCE
“Indescribably Magnificent World”
If nothing existed before this moment, and nothing existed after this moment, what would stop you from pursuing your aspirations?
When I first heard this question, I felt like I had discovered a secret hack to releasing all of my self doubt and limiting belief layers and like I had seen and felt my authentic self. It showed me the power of my perspective of the world and my role in it. Immediately you feel the abundance of opportunity in the world and within yourself. I believe that is what presence has to offer us.
“The moment one gives close attention to any thing, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself.”
Henry Miller
I feel this is the clearest lens to look through. It has a child like, innocent, joyous, curiosity at it’s essence. Having a clear lens when looking at yourself and out into the world, opens up a door to abundance, in whatever form you would like to experience your individuality and creativity.
What Is – Is What Exactly?
When you look through the lens of “What Is” you are allowing the world to show you what it truly is and as I mentioned in The Key to the Paradox of You and The Divine, the world is a playing field for you to have a fully immersive experience.
“What Is” presents itself as fact. Fact without the additional internal monologue trying to justify why or how something has occurred. This is often where we stumble into our illusory reality because we believe we understand what has occurred based on our expectations and where they come from.
If you can step out of your stories, return to the present moment and invite curiosity into everything that occurs within your reality, you’ll find that you will be pleasantly surprised by how the outcomes change. You show up differently, the people around you show up differently. You’ll notice more than you have before. You don’t feel the weight of anxious anticipation. You are immersed and present in your experiences.
Looking Through the Lens of Presence
I will ask you a question that pivoted the trajectory of my life almost immediately. “If you had 6 months left to live, what would you do?”. It sounds like an intense question, but it abruptly cleanses your lens of perspective and you’ll have crystal clear answers available to you. Would you reconnect with family? Travel? Tell someone you love them? Skydive? Write a book? Invest time and energy in your dream career? Spend time in nature?
This question changed the trajectory of my life because I was honest with myself about what I wanted and where my life was in relation to that. With that awareness the question allows you to close the gap and bring your dreams closer to your current reality. Your lens of perspective transcends time.
So whatever your dreams are, ask yourself, if nothing existed before this moment, and nothing after this moment, then what is stopping you from pursuing your aspirations?
What Wants To Be
MOTIVATING FORCE
What Does Your Future Look Like?
The version of me that existed five years ago, could never have guessed what my present reality would look like. I believe this is because of the magical way the universe is designed.
I might have guessed a university degree, a decent job, a nice home, and maybe some travel planned. This is the expected social narrative, and has been for too long. A narrative that’s shelf life has been reached.
If you didn’t have to follow the traditional narrative to ‘make a living’ what would you do? Important note, I just checked the precise definition of ‘make a living’ and according to the Cambridge Dictionary it’s “to earn enough money to buy the things you need.” It’s stated so succinctly that our imagination has failed us. This is not how I would like to define my ‘living’.
You might be checking the header of this section and wondering where the motivation part is. Well here is the good news. If I can let go of what I expect of my reality a.k.a “What We’d Like It To Be” and lean into “What Wants To Be”, that is where you will find motivation, joy and fulfillment in all areas of your life.
How Do You Lean Into What Wants To Be?
How do you do that? Well you learn to trust yourself, and you learn to trust The Divine. I give more insight on this specifically in The Key to The Paradox of You and The Divine. However there isn’t only one answer.
I believe curiosity is one of the main components to lean into “What Wants To Be”. If you aren’t trying to control what happens next then you are opening yourself up to the wonder of the universe.
“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it”
The Alchemist – Paulo Coelho
Your Intuition and The Divine are Forces of Power and Influence
Our intuition is guiding us constantly, providing a map towards “What Wants To Be”, it just depends if you are listening. The urge to try something new, go somewhere new, speak to someone new, all comes from your intuition.
If you see the coincidences in your life as mere ‘coincidence’ then you are not present with the gift of presence. Everything in our reality, within us and shown to us happens divinely for us, for our souls experience and evolution. This is the natural way of our lives unfolding.
I call these lenses ‘forces’. This is different to the action of forcing. One is a natural form of ‘power and influence’ (part of the definition of ‘a force to be reckoned with from the Cambridge Dictionary). The other is to apply force, whether physically, mentally, emotionally and that would be enforcing your illusory reality.
Every single one of us. Including you. Have access to this infinite source of power and influence in our reality. It starts by being present and leaning into your curiosity for what surprises the universe has in store for you. Know in your heart that these surprises are all divinely designed to provide a reality in which your mind, heart and soul can flourish. This is our birthright as souls in the human experience.
Are you curious about What Wants To Be for you?
Which Lens Do You Look Through & Which Lens Do You Choose?
Can you be honest with yourself about which lens you are looking through? Is this the lens that you will continue to choose?
Does that lens create the reality that you have been taught to expect or the reality you desire? Remember either way at this stage, the choice is now yours. You can reclaim the reigns to your life and that is when the magic happens.
What will be, will be regardless, as nothing occurs by mischance. What matters is what perspective, which lens, you decide to apply. That is what will change the trajectory of the way you experience your life. What lens and what emotion are you attaching to your experiences? When you immerse yourself in the presence of now with gratitude and a touch of curiosity, you get to see through the lens of What Is and embrace What Wants To Be.
Do you feel that flutter of excitement the way I am? Each day is like receiving a present, what will you experience today?
Ask, Comment or Share
I would absolutely love for you to lean into this space. Please ask any questions you might have. Comment if there was something that really caught your attention. You are most welcome if you would like to share.
Share and Journal Prompts
Here are some prompts for your share, or they can be used as journal prompts. Have you been able to identify the lens you look through? Which lens you choose? What wounds do you have and what do you need for them to heal? What can you do to be more present in your life? If you had 6 months left to live, what would you do? Do you trust what happens next is for you? Are you curious enough about what happens next to be present when it does?
